Some Words

It’s that time of the year that corporate entities send gift baskets to other corporate entities, to let them know that they care, you know, in a totally platonic but pro holiday way.

K has been making out like a bandit at her workplace, with a constant barrage of chocolates and the like. At the Minneapolis office of my workplace, some enterprising soul decided it would be best to send a collection of dime store style wonka candies. You know the sort of thing, Everlasting Gobstoppers and Fun Dip and things.

There have been strange advances and failures since I was last buying this stuff.

First off, Fun Dip now comes with a second sugar stick. Candy companies, what the hell took you so long? Did you not know that my eight year old self would have shived someone for a second on of those condensed flavorless sugar sticks? I always got some of the flavored sugar out of the little bags, ate it with the stick for a while, got bored, and ate the stick. This was immediately followed by remorse. Without the stick, all the Fun Dip was, was a bag of bitter flavored sugar. With a second stick, I could have continued my foray into artificial cherry flavor. I feel deprived.

Second, when did gobstoppers get so small? These things used to have multiple layers of flavor. They used, even as recently as when I was in college, to be big enough that they made my jaw sore holding them in. What happened? These things are the size of peas now. How are they supposed to last “forever” if they are that tiny. I could practically crunch right through one the moment I put it in my mouth.

There isn’t much room for innovation in the candy world, but lets try not to backslide, shall we?